i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Randomize
