worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
