6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
