There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
