Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
