Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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