Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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