Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
