You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
