Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
