You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
