you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
