She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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