38 yer olds are good kisserssss
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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