3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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