He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
