I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
