Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
