walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
