There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
