somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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