i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize