i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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