Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
