Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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