people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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