My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
