I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
