I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize