Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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