Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
