Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
