in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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