The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
