i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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