This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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