i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
