i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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