you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
