im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got inside last night via doggy door
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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