you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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