I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
