end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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