My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
