States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
