ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
