Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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