I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
