saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
