i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
