Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
