yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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