That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
