absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
