Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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