I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize