I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize