it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
