I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
