Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
