i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize