grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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